Insanity Reigning
by imdeadsothere
Summary: Randomness for a challenge. Some of the chapters are really short but bear with me.
1. New Plans and Metamorphogi

This story is for the **Insanely Random AU Challenge** by **Labz**. Warning, this Story is insanely random.

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"Ah, Severus, I'm glad you could... come..." Dumbledore trailed off. He stared at the potions master.

"Yes professor?" Severus asked, using one perfectly manicured hand he swept away a strand of soft wavy black hair that had fallen in his face.

"I... I..." Dumbledore stumbled, still staring at Snape's new look. "Why are you wearing a dress?" he suddenly asked.

"I've suddenly realized that I'm gay!" Snape said proudly, "And I'm keeping with the times, all the Slytherin guys are dressing like girls these days," he added. His voice a few notes higher that stared blankly at him.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Severus asked, changing the subject.

"Wha? Oh, um, yeah. I just wanted to tell you about my new plans."

"Your new plans, sir?" Severus asked, confused.

"Yes, my new plans, I spoke with Voldemort the other day..."

"You did!" Snape squealed, "Isn't he just _so_ hot."

"Yes, wait, no, no he isn't."

"Oh," Severus' face fell, then he realized that having Dumbledore not have an insanely huge crush on Voldemort might be a good thing, one less person to fight off to become Voldemorts one true love. He smiled again.

"What did you speak about professor?" he asked cheerily.

"Well, Voldemort has decided that he no longer wants to be the bad guy, and I've decided that I no longer want to be the good guy, so we're switching places."

"Does this mean that Voldemort is becoming the new Hogwarts headmaster?"

"Yes, it does mean that," Dumbledore replied. Christmas had come early for Severus. This meant that Voldemort would see him more often, and hopefully, in that time, he would realize that Snape was the one person he truly loved.

"Is that all?" Snape asked.

"That is all, I will be leaving tomorrow in the morning, Voldemort should arrive a little before lunchtime, my last order as your headmaster is that you will be here to welcome him."

"I will be here," Snape said. He bowed himself out of the room. He had so much to do, pick out an outfit, figure out what he was going to do. He passed a group of Slytherin men/women. He considered asking them for help, but decided against it. They would probably just plan sabotage to make sure that they got _his_ ickle-voldykins themselves.

--------------------

McGonogall adjusted her outfit. Dumbledore was doing something daring by becoming the new Dark Lord. So she decided that he wasn't the only one that would go out of character. Tonight was her first night on the job as a _club-dancer_.

"Okay, let me just explain the rules to you before you go out." A young girl in her early twenties said. She was quite pretty with long red hair. And her outfit showed off a lot more than McGonogalls.

"You can take off your top but not your bottom, and you're a dancer, _not_ a prostitute, though feel free to have sex with whoever you like, as long as nobody pays you, that's basically it, and my names Mandy, just so you know."

McGonogall nodded. She looked at herself in the mirror one last time as the girl Mandy went out to introduce her. McGonogall smiled.

_Thank God for magic_. She thought, examining her perfect body. The professor smiled again. She had never realized how good it was to be a metamorphogus.


	2. MenWomen and Mind Reading

Voldemort quickly finished his packing. He looked around at all the Death Eaters that had gathered to see him go. He smiled, for the first time in forever. Wondering if his eyes twinkled. I mean, he was replacing Dumbledore. He had been trying to get twinkling eyes all morning.

"Goodbye my faithful Death Eaters!" Voldemort called. "Be nice to your new Dark Lord!" Voldemort quickly slipped on the half moon glasses he had ordered Bellatrix to buy him, and apparated. He found himself standing in Dumbledore's office. There was a person in the room whom Voldemort tried to get a good look at. But unfortunately, his glasses had clouded over.

---------------------------

"Hello my Lord'" Snape curtsied.

"Severus, is that you?" Voldemort asked. Listening to the voice and praying for his glasses to un-cloud.

"Yes it is," Snape said proudly.

"Oh, that's nice." Voldemort squinted. Snape sounded different somehow.

"So, how are all your students doing?" Voldemort's first attempt at being Dumbledore-ish.

"Oh wonderful, all the Slytherin boys have decided they're all gay transvestites."

"You mean, this school is infested with _men/women?_" Voldemorts voice turned fearful. He peeked out the window off Dumbledores. His glasses un-clouded just as he looked through the window. Voldemort sqeaked and jumped back, quickly ducking under his desk.

"Is there a problem my lord?" Severus asked.

"Men/women, _everywhere!_" Voldemort hissed.

"And?" Severus asked, walking around the desk to peer under it where Voldemort was huddled.

"They're all out to get me, I _know_ it," Voldemort said, his eyes watching a small bug crawl across the floor

"Don't worry, they won't hurt you, I'll make sure they don't." Snape placed a comforting hand on Voldemorts shoulder.

"Voldemort looked up at Snape. his eyes widened.

"You're on of _them_," he said fearfully. Ducking back out from under the desk he ran off screaming like a little girl.

---------------------------------

"Did you-know-who just run by screaming like a little girl?" Ron asked, he stared after the slowly shrinking screaming Voldemort.

"Unurgh," Harry grumbled. Voldemort could have ran by screaming for all he cared he was much more interested in something else.

"But Harry, Voldemort did run by screaming," Hermione said.

"What?" Harry's head shot up, he turned, eyeing Hermione suspiciously, "how did you know I thought that?" he asked.

"Oh _honestly_ you two, you'd think that by now you'd have figured out that I can read minds," she replied.

"You _can?_" Ron asked.

"Yes, I can read minds... unfortunately," she added

"Why would that be unfortunately?" Ron asked, "I would just _love_ to read minds, I mean, then I'd know all these deep dark secrets about people, and I could use them as blackmail."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you had to hear Harry's thoughts every day. Or Snapes," Hermione told him

"What does Harry think about?" Ron asked. Hermione shuddered.

"I'd rather not... think about it," Hermione whispered, "They're rather... detailed..."

"Harry, what do you think about?" Ron asked.

"Like I'd tell _you_," Harry snapped, before turning away and continuing his daydreaming.

Hermione sat there. Her eyes growing wider and wider.

"That. Is. Disgusting." she whispered, then, like Voldemort, ran off screaming.

"Geeze, someone must be thinking something _really_ bad," Ron said.

"I wonder who that could be?" Harry mumbled, not bothering to mention that he knew _exactly_ who's thoughts had made Hermione scream.


	3. Welcome Back Sirius Black

Sirius brushed off his robes.

"Ahh, back at last," he said. He turned his head, looking back at the veil.

"I thought I'd _never_ come out," he said. He made his way out of the Ministry, which was empty, like it always is in these kinds of stories. He decided that his first stop would be Hogwarts. Harry first, then everyone else. He smiled as he apparated quickly to Hogsmeade. Walking up to the gate. He wondered how on hell he was going to get inside. He remembered something from behind the veil. Some man named Bernie had shown him a moving picture that told this whole story about a bunch of people visiting this island with dinosaurs in cages, but the dinosaurs in cages all escaped and ran around eating people. Or something along those lines. Sirius was just having flashbacks of this part where the main guy had thrown a stick at a fence to see if it still had _electik_ shock going through it. Sirius scavenged around till he found a stick, he threw it. Nothing happened. The stick crashed into the gate, still, nothing.

"Must be okay to enter," Sirius said, and walked up to the gate, pushing it open he entered the Hogwarts grounds.

"That was easy," Sirius said, looking back at the gate. He giggled, remembering something else from behind the veil. Some kid named David had worked at a place called _Staples_. The poor kid killed himself because he was tired of hearing 'the bleeping easy buttons.'

Sirius continued forward, it was the middle of the day, he was wondering where all the people where. He heard someone screaming. The screaming was getting louder, as if the person who was screaming was running right toward him.

Voldemort ran past Sirius Black screaming. Hermione Granger right on his heel.

"BEWARE THE MAN/WOMEN!!!!" Voldemort yelled over his shoulder, this was his sole warning to Sirius Black.

"NEVER USE LEGILIMENCY ON HARRY!!!!!" Hermione screamed her own warning. Sirius stood there, stunned for a moment. Shaking his head, he continued forward. Well, if Hermione was here, then Harry must be too he concluded. Smiling at this new reassurance, he continued forward.


	4. First Act of Evil

Dumbledore paced back in forth. As the new Dark Lord he decided he needed to do something particularly evil. Bellatrix Lestrange stood by awaiting his orders. She had already offered several suggestions of her own.

"You know Bella," Dumbledore said.

"Yes my Lord?" Bella replied.

"I liked the third suggestion you made."

"Blow up some large muggle landmark?"

"Yes, that one."

"What muggle landmark would you like us to blow up my Lord?"

"How about the twin towers?"

"Sorry, someone beat us too them."

"Well then, what about Parliament."

"It would make you seem too much like V."

"Who's V?"

"I dunno my lord, but he's supposed to be one of the _good _guys, Crabbe told me."

"Oh, well then, um, how about a lighthouse?"

"Too small."

"Russia?"

"_Way_ too big."

"Japan."

"A bit smaller."

"Rhode Island?"

"Getting closer."

"The pyramids?"

"Right away sir."


	5. The begninings of the four

"Hermione?" Hermione stopped screaming. She also stopped running. She turned to face the person from which the familiar Bulgarian accent had come from.

"Victor?" she asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I live here," Victor replied, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I didn't know you lived in Hogsmeade!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Um, Hermione, you're in Bulgaria."

"I am?!" Hermione turned around in a full circle, looking around at Bulgaria.

"I wonder where Voldy went?" She asked herself. Her voice taking on a dreamy quality.

"I'm right here!" Voldemort called, stepping out from behind a bush.

"Voldy! Why aren't you running and screaming?" Hermione asked.

"I'm waiting for you, running and screaming is no fun when you do it alone, and make this conversation fast, I'm hoping to get to Japan before nightfall."

"But we're going in the wrong direction," Hermione pointed out.

"Oh yeah, you're right, we _are_ going in the wrong direction."

"So what do we do now?"

"I've got it, we stay here for the night, and run screaming back to Hogwarts in the morning."

"That's a good plan, Victor, do you mind if we stay here for the night?"

"Uh, sure," Victor responded.

"That Weasley kid would have never said yes," Voldemort said.

Hermione gasped. "Are you trying to get me to dump Ron and go out with Victor instead?" She scolded.

"Hey! That was my idea!" Voldemort burst out crying.

"It was a pretty good idea," Victor prompted. Trying not to seem to obvious.

"Hey, it _was_ a good idea," Hermione said, "Victor, thank you, Voldy, thank you too, you're a life saver."

"I am?" Voldemort wiped away his tears.

"Yes Voldy, you are, I think I _will_ dump Ron and go out with Victor instead!"

_Yes_ Voldemort made a silent cheer.

_Yes_ Victor made a silent cheer.

"Hey, wait a minute!?" Hermione said abruptly, the dreamy tone that she had held for a couple of minutes instantly disappearing, her eyes narrowing, her face reddened, and her voice lowered to practically a growl.

_Uh oh_ Voldemort thought. He just remembered that Hermione could read minds and probably saw his evil plans.

"What?" Victor squeaked, seeing the rage building on Hermiones face.

"BOTH OF YOUR NAMES START WITH A V AND MINE STARTS WITH AN H WHICH _SO_ DOES NOT WORK!!!!!" She exploded. Stomping her foot.

"Um, what?" Victor asked.

"I mean, Voldemort and Victor both start with a V, but Hermione starts with an H so we cant have any cool name for the three of us," Hermione whined.

"I don't get it," Voldemort said.

"Well, when I was friends with Harry and Ron everybody called us the trio, but the trio wont work for us because everybody will think that it's me, Harry and Ron, but it's not, and since my name doesn't start with a V our group name cant be 'The Three Vs' and 'The Two Vs and an H' just sounds stupid," Hermione cried.

"What if we just find another person to join our group and we become _The Four_?" Voldemort offered. Trying to comfort his screaming and running buddy.

"But who?" Hermione sniffed.

"I know this girl," Voldemort said, "Her names Mandy."

----------------------------

"Mandy! You have some visitors!" Bridget called from the front.

"Coming!" Mandy called back. She quickly checked her outfit before walking out.

"Hey Mandy!" Voldemort called. Waving at the barely dressed girl.

"Oh, hi," Mandy replied with absolutely no enthusiasm.

"Mandy, would you like to join out group so that we can be called _The Four_?" Voldemort asked.

"The what?"

"_The Four_, Hermione realized that the name 'the trio' has already been taken, and we need a catchy name for us, so we decided on _The Four _the only problem is that there are only three of us."

"So you want me to join your group just so you can have the name 'the four?'"

"Yep."

Mandy shrugged. "What the heck, we've got Minerva bringing in crowds, nobody's gonna miss me."


	6. Confessions

Harry lay in bed daydreaming. He smiled at his happy mental images.

"Harry, you just lay there daydreaming every day," Ron noted, "Why don't you actually _do_ something."

"Like what?" Harry grumbled, having been taken away cruelly from a very happy daydream.

"I dunno, if your daydreams are about something that you can do, then do it."

"I think I will," Harry said. He jumped off the bed and headed for the door.

"Good luck mate!" Ron called after him. Harry wondered if Ron's reaction would be the same if he knew what Harry was actually going to do.

--------------------------

Over all Draco had been having a rather nice day. It was dinner already and his Stilettos were perfectly intact and there wasn't a smudge on the dress. Right now he was giggling with Blaise (Who was wearing the most gorgeous sparkly red dress) over a kid sitting at the Ravenclaw table. According to their contact in the Ravenclaw house he had really nice legs. That was when Potter burst in.

"You know, he's really not that bad looking," Blaise said, noticing Draco's scowl at Potters appearance.

"It's not that," Draco whined, "It's that he's _straight_."

"Well, there's a possibility that he might not be, I mean, maybe, unlike us, he's just not proud of his gayness, maybe you should approach him privately somewhere."

"That's a good idea Blaise," Draco commented.

"Hey, he's heading right toward us!" Crabbe said. He was right. Potter was headed directly for them.

"Malfoy," Harry said, staring directly at Draco. Secretly admiring how the dark blue dress Draco was wearing molded perfectly over every curve of Dracos body.

"Yes Potter?" Draco asked.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"


	7. He's back, It's Siruis Black!

"This place is insane," Sirius mumbled to himself. Having just witnessed (from under the Ravenclaw table) Harry ask Draco Malfoy to be his boyfriend.

"Am I the only guy who looks up girls skirts instead of guys?" He sat there, contemplating what he had just said.

"I think I know what Voldemort meant by 'beware of the man/women, and I also have a slight hunch why Hermione was so afraid of Harry's thoughts." he added. The contemplated this for a few moments. 

"Why am I talking to myself?" he asked. He contemplated some more.

"I seriously need to stop contemplating." Moving from his sitting position back to his hands and knees Sirius continued to crawl down the length of the Ravenclaw table.


	8. A Plan is Hatched

"So, how are we going to blow these up?" Dumbledore asked, peeking over the top of the sand dune they were crouched behind.

"Crabbe did tell me about something called _dynamite_, he said that if we used enough of it we could blow these all up!"

"Good, got any dynamite?"

"Um... no."

"Now what do we do?" Dumbledore sighed.

"Maybe Godzilla could destroy them for us," Bella offered.

"Who's Godzilla?"

"Some giant monster," Bella replied, "Crabbe told me about him."

"Okay then, were do we find this Godzilla?"

"Crabbe said that Godzilla terrorized New York city, so maybe we should start there."

"Great, lets go." Nothing happened.

"I've never been the New York," Dumbledore said.

"Yeah, me neither," Bella replied.

"Well, we cant go to New York to get this Godzilla guy because we've never been there, so _now_ what do we do?"

"Lets dress up as Egyptians and go anger some Iraqis, then they'll blow up the pyramids!" Bella said excitedly, having gotten a sudden burst of inspiration.

"Why would that work?" Dumbledore asked.

"The American president says that there are terrorists in Iraq, so, if we anger the terrorists dressed as Egyptians, they'll get mad at Egyptians and blow up the pyramids,"

"Who was it that said this again?"

"The American president."

"But he's a moron."

"No he isn't," Bella argued, "_Voldemort_ thought he was a Godsend, think about all the death and destruction he brought."

"I have a better idea."

"Really? What is it?" Bella asked.

"Why don't we just tell the Americans that terrorists are hiding in the pyramids and that the only way to destroy them is to blow up the pyramids."

"That might actually work."


	9. Love at First Sight

Sirius had reached the end of the Ravenclaw table. His original plan was to see Harry first, then Dumbledore. But he had had a sudden change of heart, maybe he should speak to Dumbledore first. Crawling out from under the table he looked up at the head table. Dumbledore wasn't there. The headmasters chair was completely empty.

"Where could he be?" Sirius whispered, scanning the teachers table. Until his eyes lay on Severus Snape. The heels really were a nice look on him.


	10. I guess

"So, what do I have to do, I mean, do you have any rules or plans for _the four_?" Mandy asked.

"Rules, no," Voldemort replied, "Plans, yes, we have to run screaming back to Hogwarts tomorrow, once there Hermione has to dump Ron and go out with Victor."

"Great, anything else?"

"Nope."

"So what are we going to do now?"

"Sleep, I guess."

"Okay then, where do we sleep?"

"Right here, I guess." 

"Okay, so we just... lay down and go to sleep?"

"Yes, I guess."

"Can you stop saying _I guess_!" Mandy asked.

"I guess." Voldemort sighed.


	11. Predictions

Ron sat contemplating life. He thought about everything. The fact that his best friend had just confessed his undying love to Ron's worst enemy. That Hermione had run off screaming.

_What if Harry's thoughts were and excuse?_ Ron thought _What if she really ran away screaming, because of me? What if, tomorrow she and Voldemort are going to come running into Hogwarts screaming, with them they will have Victor Krum and some club-dancer named Mandy, and Hermione will dump me for Krum?_ Ron sighed. He had thought too much for that day. Tomorrow, he would think again. Ron lay down in bed and quickly fell asleep, the last thought that he had was 'Why did I add a girl named Mandy into my prediction?' the second to last thought he had was 'Maybe I'm not manly enough?'


	12. A Passion for Hula

"So, Mandy, you're a dancer, right?" Victor asked.

"Yep," Mandy said, taking another sip of her coffee.

"What type of dancing?" he asked.

"Mostly exotic."

"Exotic dancing, huh?"

"Yep."

"You ever done hula?"

"Nope."

"Damnit!"

"You're weird."

"Well it's not my fault I like hula dancing, ever since I was four and I saw a woman do it naked."

"Um, I think you were more interested in the naked woman than the dance."

"Maybe you're right, then again, maybe I do have a true passion for hula."

"Maybe you're right, but there is no questions asked that you are insane."

"Okay troopers!" Voldemort said cheerfully, standing up and clapping his hands together, making sure everyone was awake. "Start screaming, Hermione will be our navigator for our trip back to Hogwarts."


	13. Schoolcoming

"Ron! Ron!" Harry burst into the room, making Ron jump for he had been in perfect serenity as he contemplated life... again.

"What is it?" Ron grumbled, taking off the rather uncomfortable turban he had been wearing.

"Hermione's back!" he said excitedly, "And so is Voldemort, and they brought Victor Krum and some club-dancer named Mandy!"

"Oh shit," Ron swore, "That stupid turban pulled a muscle in my neck!"

"C'mon, c'mon, Hermione is looking for you!"

"Oh, go snog your boyfriend in a closet and leave me alone," Ron grumbled.

"Okay!" Harry said and ran off.

"Ron! Ron! I'm back!" Hermione ran screaming up the staircase.

"And I'm dumping you for Victor Krum!"

"You're what?" Ron asked.

"Dumping you, I decided I liked Victor better, hey Victor, will you be my boyfriend," Hermione asked, turning toward the famous Bulgarian quidditch player that had followed her up the stairs.

"Gladly," Victor replied. There was silence.

"Okay, we've done that, now what?" Mandy asked.


	14. Mr Vice President

"Are you sure of this?" Dick Cheney asked. 

"Yes, I am positive," The man replied calmly. "There are most definitely terrorists hiding inside of the pyramids right now, the only way to destroy them is to blow up the pyramids."

"Hold please," Dick set the phone down on the table.

"Mr. President," he began.

"What?" George asked, peeling his eyes away from his favorite TV show.

"A man claims that there are terrorists hiding in the pyramids, the only way to destroy them is to destroy the pyramids along with them." George blinked. A trickle of drool fell down his chin.

"I'll take that as an order sir," Dick said. He picked the phone back up, "Sir, the pyramids will be destroyed _immediately_."

"Excellent, and tell the president to watch channel 32, not 56." The man hung up and Cheney put his the phone back down.

"Mr. President?" he called.

"What?" George grumbled, turning to look at the Vice President.

"You're watching channel 56."

"And...?"

"Hanna Montana is on channel 32."


	15. Proposal

"Oh Sirius."

"Oh Severus."

"I cannot believe I missed your sexy-ness all these years."

"And I cannot believe I missed your hotness all these years."

"Sirius?"

"Yes Severus, darling."

"Will you marry me?"

"Of course I will my love."


	16. Manly Quest

"Maybe I'm not manly enough," Ron said.

"What?" Draco looked up. He had been sitting, waiting for Harry to come out of the shower.

"Malfoy, do you think I'm manly?"

"Why would you want to be manly?" Draco asked, amazed at how any guy could not want to wear a dress.

"Maybe I need to be more manly, if I'm more manly, then Hermione will like me again."

"You want a _girl_ to like you."

"Am I the only straight person here?"

"What about Krum?"

"That makes two of us." Ron grumbled.

"If you want to be more manly you should have a duel," Draco offered.

"A duel? With who?"

"I dunno, somebody great, and powerful."

"Like Dumbledore?"

"Yeah, exactly like Dumbledore."

"You know Malfoy, that's really not a bad idea, I think I _will_ go and duel Dumbledore." Ron stood up and left the room. He had a Dumbledore to find.


	17. The Question to Life

"Well, the pyramids will be gone soon, now what?" Dumbledore asked.

"I dunno, lets blow something else up."

"Like what?"

"You choose."

"Russia!" Dumbledore said, finally, his dream may come true.

"How are we going to do that?"

"Same way we did the pyramids."

"No, lets try something else, lets see if we can get someone else to blow up Russia."

"Okay, who?"

"I dunno, Crabbe told me about these aliens that once came to the earth and attempted to blow it up, they were stopped by a computer virus though."

"So, your plan is to find these aliens and get them to blow up Russia?"

"Yep."

"Okay, I just have one question though."

"What is it my Lord?"

"Is Dr Pepper a real doctor?"


	18. Goodbye Mr Weasley

"Oh Dumbledore! Where are you Dumbledore?" Ron sang in his 'creepy little girl from some random horror movie' voice. Whatever a horror movie was. Then, all of a sudden out of the blue, there stood Dumbledore. He was walking along arguing with Bellatrix Lestrange.

"I have found you at last!" Ron exclaimed. Stepping out from random tree 476.

"Ronald Weasley, what are you doing here?" Dumbledore asked.

"Hermione dumped me because I am not manly enough, I have decided that to win her love back I have to do something incredibly manly, so therefore I must battle _you_."

"Bella?" Dumbledore said.

"Yes my lord?"

"What do you say we send Mr. Weasley here on a trip to the pyramids."

"Lovely idea my lord, but I've got a better plan," Bella replied, "Weasley!" she called, "My master will only fight you if you blow up Russia, and then got spend a month inside one of the pyramids, then, and only then, will my master fight you so that you may become more manly."

"How am I supposed to blow up Russia?"

"I was just telling my master about these aliens..."


	19. Heartbroken Harry

"It's really too bad that the pyramids are gone," Draco said, "And that Weasley was inside of one of them, apparently he's barely alive right now."

"Yeah, it really is too bad," Harry said, his mind not really in the conversation.

"Hello boys!" Voldemort said happily, skipping past the two of them. "Lovely day, isn't it?" Draco stared at the ex-dark lord. At that moment Dracos daydreams changed, from Harry into Voldemort. There was just something so appealing about a man who used to be the Dark Lord.

"Harry," Draco said earnestly, "I'm dumping you." Draco got up and left, leaving a heartbroken Harry Potter behind him.


	20. No, I will NOT take Hula with you!

"Voldy must have gotten over his fear of man/women," Mandy said. Looking at the cheerful dark lord skipping around the grounds.

"You sure you don't want to take hula lessons with me?" Victor asked Mandy for the last time.

"Yes, I'm sure," Mandy replied. "Why don't you ask Hermione?"

"I'm afraid that she'll find my obsession with hula dancing weird, then dump me and go back with Weasley."

"Weasley's dead."

"No he isn't, he's still alive, barely though."

"Give me a knife and he'll be dead tomorrow."


	21. Suicide and Love Potion

Harry stood at the top of the astronomy tower, contemplating exactly how he should throw himself off from it.

"Master Potter must not kill himself, Dobby will stop master Potter from killing himself." Harry turned rapidly. Startled by the house elf's sudden appearance.

"Drink this master potter, drink this," Dobby held out a flask. "It make master Potter feel better." Harry snatched the flask, he eyes it suspiciously for a moment then figuring he had nothing to loose chugged it down.

"Mmmmm," Harry said, a dreamy smile spreading across his face, "how could I ever have missed the way your eyes sparkle, or the way your ears hang down, it's just so... appealing," Harry whispered dreamily, staring al gooey eyed at Dobby. Dobby smiled to himself. This meant he had brewed the love potion correctly.


	22. New Jersey: Believe it, it's a state

"You know Mandy," Voldemort said, sitting down next to the ex-club-dancer.

"Yeah?" Mandy replied.

"I just realized, I am the only sane one left."

"Agreed."

"You didn't even try and argue with me," Voldemort said, amazed.

"I don't argue with lunatics."


	23. Epiphany

"You know Mandy," Voldemort said, sitting down next to the ex-club-dancer.

"Yeah?" Mandy replied.

"I just realized, I am the only sane one left."

"Agreed."

"You didn't even try and argue with me," Voldemort said, amazed.

"I don't argue with lunatics."


	24. Death and Vengance

Dobby walked along happily. Everything was going great. He was now with his one true love.

"Hey look, random house elf, Avada Kadavra!" Dobby fell to the ground, dead.

"NOOOOO!!!!!" Harry suddenly ran out from behind random tree 265. "I am no longer under the effects of love potion, but I'm still going to avenge his death!" "Dumbledore, you will die!" Harry yelled.

"But I didn't kill him," Dumbledore said. Him and Bella appearing from behind random tree 312.

"You didn't? But then, who did?" Harry asked, confused.

"That was the author."

"The author?"

"Yes, the author of this story."

"Oh, I was wondering why that voice sounded like a teenage girl, how do I kill the author?"

"I dunno," Dumbledore replied, "We could try aliens again, or maybe we just tell the U.S. that she's a terrorist."

"That good, what's her name?"

"I dunno. Besides, if we kill them, then we also die," Dumbledore said.

"Isn't this story supposed to be a challenge, so maybe it's the fault of the person who posted this challenge and we should kill that person instead."

"So, we have to kill two people now?"

"Either way, we'll still die," Dumbledore added.

"But, I don't want to die."

"We'll you're going to have to do something to avenge Dobbys death."

"I know!" Harry said, getting a sudden spark of inspiration, "I'll kill you anyways, Avada Kedavera."


	25. Death of an Author

Voldemort looked around at all the happy, happy people.

"What to do?" he thought, "What to do?"

"Voldemort! Lord Voldemort!" Voldemort turned to see who was calling his name. He saw Draco Malfoy runing toward him.

"Voldemort! I _love_ you!" Draco called.

"You know, those men/woman really do scare me," Voldemort said.

"Yeah, me too, kill him," Mandy said.

"Okay, Avada Kedavera," Draco died. "Wasn't that supposed to be dramatic?" Voldmort asked.

"Seemed pretty dramatic to me."

"Now what?"

"Kill everyone, starting with Krum, he's really starting to creep me out. Especially with the whole hula dancing thing."

"Okay," Voldemort ran off, killing everyone.

"Now what?" He asked. Coming back to Mandy.

"Well, the story is supposed to end now," Mandy said.

"But it hasn't."

"Yeah, I know, wonder why."

"Because I haven't killed everyone yet, I have to kill you too."

"Sorry, cant kill me."

"Why not?"

"Cause, I'm the author."

"Your _are?_"

"Yes, I am."

"What exactly is the author doing inside her own fanfiction?"

"It's a fanfiction, duh, _everyone_ writes themselves into their stories these days."

"That probably gets boring."

"I know, it does, you read a story and you can usually figure out how it's going to end before you've finished chapter 1."

"Oh, that sucks, so, now what happens?"

"I dunno."

"You're the author."

"Um, I dunno?"

"I've got an idea!"

"Really? What?"

"Avada Kedavera." In that moment Mandy died.

"Why hasn't the story ended?" Voldemort asked himself, since everyone else was dead.

"Maybe I have to say my finishing line?" He considered. Placing himself in the proper dramatic bad guy pose Voldemort spoke.

"And they thought I was sane," he said dramatically, adding an evil crackle at the end for effect.


	26. Fin

At that moment the author was called down to dinner.

**FIN**


End file.
